scare tactics

It all starts innocently enough.

I might be walking along, minding my own business, when I see the signs all around me:

“This is the perfect opportunity to scare somebody.”

And by somebody I mean my husband. It’s not like I get these impulses in public, ready to pounce on the next unsuspecting shopper who dares enter the toiletry aisle I happen to be loitering in at Target.

That would be wrong. And a little mental. So cross “scare stranger in public places” off the list.

And I probably certainly won’t try to scare my children.

So, my husband it is.

Take this weekend for example.

I was walking downstairs, early in the morning, with absolutely NO intention of doing anything other than heading towards the coffee.

But, ahead of me, I saw it.

The perfect opportunity.

My husband had gone outside to get the paper.

He left the front door open.

I was pretty sure he was unaware I had gotten up and was headed downstairs.

So, without thinking much about the potential consequences, I hop behind the front door, waiting for his return.

Then, as he comes back inside, I pop out, yelling the classic and very important scaring line of “BOO!”.

Nope, he didn’t know I was up.

The look on his face was priceless.

I scared him, and I scared him good.

Now, I am no fool. I do not pretend to presume that I can scare somebody like that (and by “somebody” I mean my husband) without anticipating some sort of retaliation.

And I HATE to be scared. Just hate it.

So, for days afterward I will be “on the prowl”. Seeing a partially open door and wondering who (and by who I mean my husband) might be lurking behind, waiting for revenge.

And retaliate he does.

And yet, even armed with the knowledge that if I simply stopped scaring him I could probably rest easy, I just can’t resist these “opportunities” when they are so blatantly there for the taking.

But no one can charge me with pre-meditated scaring.

It all starts innocently enough….